Do you find yourself attaching to what others tell you about yourself or what others say about you? I’ve done this before and haven’t given it a second thought if I truly even believe what has been said. They said it, so it must be true.
Our minds/hearts/brains can attach to comments, opinions, or things people say to us or about us without ever giving those comments a second thought. They then can easily become a part of us. We can hold these opinions and comments as truths in our life when they weren't even true for us to begin with.
When you take someone’s advice or feedback for your own life, you need to consider if what they are saying is true for YOU. No one else is you. No one knows what is in your heart, no one lives your life, and no one wakes up every day as you. Even if the feedback you are receiving is well thought out and coming from a good place, the person giving you feedback isn't you. Only you can know what's best for you!
Here are a few steps to process and know if this is something worth attaching to:
1. Is the source credible and trustworthy?
Sometimes, hopefully a lot of the time, the answer is yes, otherwise you wouldn’t be taking it to heart so much. We can easily take to heart what a complete stranger says to us when we aren’t doing so well or in a vulnerable state. Take some time to really ask yourself if this person is credible and trustworthy.
2. Is this comment/feedback coming from a place of love or fear?
This is a MAJOR KEY. If it is coming from a place of love then it is worth listening to. Just listening. Not attaching to it, not identifying with it... just listening to it.
If it is coming from a place of their own fear then it is not. We each have our own lived experiences and have so much to offer within that, but if someone is telling me something because of their own fear based story then that is not information I’m going to let stay inside of me. I know this is information I won’t hold as truth in my life.
Love: worth listening to
Fear: more than likely not going to be helpful
3. Sit with what is being said.
Honestly look within yourself and your life and sit with whatever is being said. Is this true for you? Is it not? How is it landing for you? Initial gut reaction to that comment or opinion?
It is okay if someone you love, who is credible, and coming from a place of love says something that isn’t landing well with you. You are YOU, no one else is. If you don’t align with it you can simply thank them for their feedback and move on. We do not need to believe something someone else said simply because they are family or a close friend.
There is a lot of noise out there. Just open Instagram and you can read all sorts of opinions on what others have to say. There's plenty of advice even coming from famous people. But, just because Oprah says something doesn’t mean I’m going to believe it true for my life if it doesn’t sit well with me. They could be a great person, saying a great thing, but doesn’t mean it’s true for you and something you need to attach to.
4. Affirm what is truth for you and let the rest go.
If someone's advice/feedback isn't true for you, kindly thank them and move on. You know yourself, your life, and your heart better than anyone else!