When we are humans that care deeply and are in the helping profession, it can be really hard to say no. Usually, our initial reaction when someone asks us for something is to always offer help. This comes from a place of not wanting to let anyone down and wanting to be there for everyone that we can.
This can become overwhelming at times, especially when we say yes to helping with too many things and find ourselves stretched too thin.
When I was working in Colorado, I had a charge nurse who would always come to work very in charge and confident. I'll never forget when she told me one day that she loved telling people no.
I was dumbfounded by this and didn't get it. As someone who had struggled with saying no at the time, it was difficult to wrap my head around. Her advice to me was to continue practicing it over and over again so that in time it would become easier.
I've gotten better at this through the years and the number one thing that has helped me is:
Think about what you're going to say ahead of time!
When someone asks you to pick up a shift, switch days, or work overtime, make sure you have a line scripted out ahead of time that you can use.
Some of my favorites are:
The key with these little one-liners is that they buy you time. Often we get caught saying yes because we feel like we have to give an answer on the spot. Buying yourself time is key to solve this!
It is also important to think about how doing whatever you are being asked to do will make you feel. Answer from this place. Maybe it’s in regards to overtime or a family situation. Practice a one liner that buys you some time to stop and think about this.
Something that is key to remember: you never have to apologize for saying no. There is also no need to defend your answer. You are allowed to say no and that is enough. When we find ourselves defending our "no", it can open the door for people up to say more and try to convince us.
1. Script out a one liner you can use and practice saying it.
2. Use this one liner the next time you feel the urge to say yes, but deep down you really want to say no.
3. Give yourself space to think about how you want to feel and respond to the request accordingly.
4. Don't apologize for saying no and don't defend your answer.
5. Practice, practice, practice!